Professor Slebos asks you to join him in understanding the ego states.
Child looking for nurturing parent and picking up critical parent 'Jack: What a day! I'm absolutely whacked. Can you get me a drink?
Joe: You've had a bad day! Try having to come home and listen to you complaining and being ungrateful. I have cleaned the whole house and not a word of thanks.
Adult looking for adult and picking up the critical parentJane: What a day! We had a number of traumas in the ER because of the fire. I am whacked , I am going to take 20 minutes rest and I'll start dinner then.
Jack: O shall I take out the rubbish, feed the kids and clean the house while you just lie there? Why the .... do I have to do everything? You haven't cleaned out the garage yet.
Critical parent picking up adultJane's' Teacher: "Your child Jane is not working hard enough, do you not help her with her Maths? You should do so every evening. With pursed lips, she goes on; "how do you expect her to get high grades when you don't put in the effort, there is only so much I can do?"
Jane's ' Mother: I realise it must be frustrating for you when you are doing your best for all your pupils especially when you have such a large class. I find that I do not have the mathematical skills to help Jane since the introduction of the new syllabus so I was hoping we could discuss a solution as I agree she needs help. I would of course like to see her get better grades in Maths but I am more concerned with her attitude to the subject as she is afraid of even trying.
This is an example of critical parent looking for and picking up adapted child
Manager: 'Where's that report I asked for? Are you ever going to get anything done on time?'
Worker: 'I'm so sorry, I'm really trying. I'll get it to you this afternoon, I promise.'
Here the adapted child has been successful at looking for and picking up nurturing parent.John: 'What a day! I'm absolutely whacked. Any chance of a drink?'
Mary: 'Oh, you poor thing. You just sit down and I'll pour you one.'
If a communication isn't working, Positive Thinking - simply a thought awayHappiness if often simply a thought awayThe threat of danger is not danger. No matter if you are convinced it is or if you try to convince yourself from previous experiences that the threat became a reality, the threat is not danger. There are far more examples in your life when the threat did not become a danger, but your negative thinking will not allow you bring these to the surface.Think of your negative thoughts as a bully whom you have to stand up to. A bully that says the worst things possible about you, who knows your deepest fears, worries, weakness and doubts and enjoys making you feel bad about them.
This bully is worse than any bully you have ever met, he has no conscience and will berate you all day and all night, when you wake up and when you want to sleep, when you want to have fun and when you want to work.
You need to defend yourself from him and the best way to do this is not to listen to him, invite his arch-enemy your champion.
Your champion will point out your good points and encourage you to achieve what your heart desires. Your champion will hold you in her arms and allow you to breath deeply and overcome the greatest disasters in your life. Your champion will say; "Ok, you have not achieved everything you want, but that is ok, you can try again tomorrow, rest now and it you will have more energy tomorrow." Your champion will say; "it is ok to be sad right now but the sun will shine tomorrow", your champion will say: "I know in my heart that you can do this" Now that you have your champion in your life, remember it is only .
Your champion will help you develop the courage to tell your own story. Do not let others or society define who you are or what has happened to you. Tell your own story, ultimately it is how you decide to tell your story to yourself and others that is important. Let your champion who has your best interests at heart help you narrate your story and not your bully. Breath deeply inhaling through your nose and invite your champion in and exhale and let go of the bully, three times. Listen to your champion and what she wants to tell you.
Your champion will direct you to the ego state that allows you to function effectively and successfully.